NEW STUDY SHOWS THE GOOD LIFE MAY BE THE SHORT LIFE

by: Tom Attea

Love the good things in life? So we do.

Unfortunately, a new study shows that if you're content with voluntary starvation you can live longer. The proof is in the monkeys.

One rhesus monkey was put on a calorie-restricted diet, while the other one was allowed to eat till content. You already know the disgusting result.

The monkey on the starvation diet stayed significantly younger-looking and was much more acrobatic, while the monkey that enjoyed all the goodies appeared much older and less rambunctious.

Lest you take comfort in the fact that the study only included two monkeys, the regrettable truth is that other studies among far more monkeys seem to confirm the findings.

But don't trash the good life just yet. The signals are still mixed.

Dr. John O. Holloszy, a Washington University professor of medicine, says, "Calorie restriction has a powerful, protective effect against diseases associated with aging. We don't know how long each individual will end up living, but they certainly have a longer life expectancy than average."

On a more hopeful note, Dr. Jay Phelan, an evolutionary biologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, tells us, "Calorie restriction is doomed to fail, and will make people miserable in the process of attempting it. We do see benefits, but not an increase in lifespan."

How about that for clear guidance?

Maybe the best news is, there are now a number of drugs being developed by biotech companies that are intended to forestall the ravages of the good life.

So all is not lost. One day the good life may also be the long life.

QUEEN EXILED TO ITALY!

by: Robert William Locke

Ousted by the Republican party after a closely fought referendum(51%) in which the Monarchy is declared an anachronism, the Queen and Prince Consort decide to live out their exile in Italy. The former UK is now known as New English Republican Dominions (NERD). Follow their daily adventures as they come to terms with the complicated political and social mores of Italy while keeping in touch with events and personalities back home.

Get details on Italian tourism, events and Italian recipes on :- www.queeninitaly.com

Queen and TomKat

Tom Cruise's wedding seemed to be getting a lot of attention in the NERD press- much more than in the Italian papers.

The town of Bracciano was beseiged by paparazzi and one ex-English resident of the town had written to the Middle England Bible complaining that they would like their town back.... please Tom!

But some residents were cashing in on the event,even renting out their balconies with a view of the castle for a mere $1,000 for the day! Tom of course was in full control - he had put a million dollar gagging order on the catering staff so that no details of the wedding feast at one of the most famous restaurants in Rome would be revealed.

"But who cares what they are going to eat?" protested the Queen.

"Well, I suppose a waiter could get a nice tidy sum for revealing the menu to a journalist and steal Tom's thunder" mused the Press Secretary. "But he didn't succeed in getting the airspace closed over Bracciano - the helicopter traffic is deafening", he laughed.

"The Scientology wedding ceremony is rather interesting- he promises or acknowledges that 'girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan,a comb and perhaps a cat!" exclaimed the Queen.

"And she promises or knows that 'young men are free and may forget their promises" chimed in the Press Secretary.

Prince Consort snorted "So, if Tom is unfaithful, she can beat him over the head with the pan, use the comb to get him out of her hair and console herself with the company of the cat!"

Next morning the Press Secretary announced to no one in particular

"She's absolutely furious!"

"Who?"the Queen asked puzzled

"The Mayor of Bracciano, the town where TomKat tied the knot" said the Press Secretary.

"Tomcat is a male cat" said PC with great emphasis.

"But that was not clarified in the Scientology wedding ceremony - 'perhaps a cat' - sex not specified" said the Queen.

"Anyway,why is the Mayor so upset?"

"First, she did not get an invite to the wedding and the Mayor of Rome did -so sour grapes there. Secondly , the town was besieged by paparazzi, traffic blocked and then TomKat did not even make an appearance or go on a walkabout- it could have really put Bracciano on the map and the residents might have got a little thrill- you know'Bracciano becomes a Hollywood Suburb'" said the Press Secretary.

"Instead, nobody appeared in the town - everybody arrived surrounded by bodyguards, portcullis up and all the town got to see were a few lousy fireworks and as it was a foggy evening, these were damp squibs. No flowers sent to the Mayor, no telegram of thanks" he continued. "And she was going to make them Honorary Citizens of Bracciano!"

"You know, I think the Mayor is right" the Queen said thoughtfully " They should have done a walkabout - I would have done - I have always respected my subjects- I mean people in general" she finished lamely.

The residents were pleased at least that when all the stars arrived, it was raining!"the Press Secretary laughed.

"At least Mrs Beckham's hat was useful - she was wearing what looked like a flying saucer !" sneered PC.