AFTER ELECTION DEBATE, EMERGENCY MEDICS LABOR TO UNCROSS HILLARY CLINTON’S FINGERS

by: Tom Attea

In a recent debate with her Republican opponent in the race for the Senate, Hillary Clinton was repeatedly challenged about her presidential ambitions and accused of inattention to her duties as a Senator from New York. Ever unruffled, she maintained that she is very much focused on her work as a Senator and, crossing her fingers, insisted that she has not yet made a decision to run for the presidency.

The debate did go on and Senator Clinton, who may still experience some constraints against outright lying, kept her fingers crossed during the entire event. As a result, she was surprised to discover immediately after leaving the podium that she simply could not uncross her digits.

Alarmed, she asked to be driven to the emergency room of New York hospital, where doctors labored to uncross her painfully locked fingers. Finally, success was at hand and she was released.

Holding up her newly freed index and middle fingers, she told the press, which had gathered outside of the emergency room, “See! I’m cured. And I can say, without crossing my fingers, that, at this very moment, I have no presidential ambitions whatsoever!”

On the way home, however, she confided to an informant that she was only speaking about her intentions upon exiting the emergency room and would feel completely free after November 8th to talk about her presidential ambitions without having to cross her fingers even once.